Diary Without Pages

Trivia I find Ignored



… this … feels … awkward …

What do I say? where do I begin? Are things the same as when I left off? Am I just talking to myself? Probably.

The last time I wrote something … what was it? Ten days? No, fifteen. Yup definitely fifteen. Um … one month ago. One whole month? That can’t be right, right? Oh wait, two freakin’ months!! TWO! … Imagine that.

Hmm, let’s see, who do I remember? Yes! I’ll never forget that lady with the green colored page that makes me wanna puke. Sweet lady … something about vogue magazine … and also something about answering questions … HIMYM? … wow, my memory sucks.

Then there was that Tom guy. Was it Tom? I’m not sure. Hilarious really. Something about tops … tops … tops … topless! … wait, that can’t be right. Topicless!

Myth … a cartoon … I dunno … boy problems? … probably not …. my head hurts … tea anyone?





Blocked and Stopped

In the last ten days, I’ve not written anything. Various reasons, exams chief among them. But that is done and finished.

So, I return to my usual practice. Only, its damn hard now for some reason. Ideas for the next post are there, nagging at the back of my mind. But my brain, for some blasted reason, is refusing to function. Like a virtual standstill, only, it’s not virtual.

Let me break it down for you. I am sitting here, in front of the computer. My fingers hover over the keyboard. I write a sentence. Two sentences. Halfway through the third …

Halt. Backspace. 

I write again. Backspace. I grit my teeth. I write a whole paragraph, pleased with myself – for a minute. Standstill. 

It’s not a writer’s block. Nothing like that. I had one of those once. This is different. I know what to write and how to write. My mind approves, but when it appears on the screen. It just seems … wrong. Out of place. Like gold embroidery on a toilet seat.


Just … Just Let Go

I. Trashed. a. post.

-And that's how full of it you've gotta be to write something like that.

Oh dear God, I cannot believe it. It was so so stupid. The post, I mean. The act of trashing it was possibly the best decision I’ve made in my life.

The post was like a sick version of me, drunk and tipsy, telling a tale with so much enthusiasm, it was embarrassing. I think I truly defined the term ‘a mountain out of a molehill’ yesterday.

What was I thinking! I keep saying to myself. And the title, oh the title, you wouldn’t believe the lengths of stupidity you’d have to cross to come across a title like that. I’m not even brave enough to mention it here for the sake of credibility because of the embarrassment that will ensue. Any day now, they’ll have the poster of my face on merriam webster, right below the term of idiot. For visual aid purposes.

Thank God, there was no feedback. A couple of likes, yes, but those were bearable. But a comment would’ve killed me. How do you respond to something like that. Yes, Thank you, Choke me now.

But all is not lost. I made progress. I’m big enough a man now to admit when my stuff is good as a dead rat’s bony ass. So, that’s definitely cause for celebration, right?



They tell me I’m versatile. Their judgement must be hazy. Really, ME? versatile? I had to google the word before knowing what it actually meant (To be fair, I had a general idea), how’s that for versatile?

Besides that, I haven’t been this happy in ages! My mother suspects some secret so dark I can tell no one, hence the word ‘secret’. You see nobody I personally know has read my content. They know about the blog’s existence but they have never read it, I made sure of that! In fact, I’m so paranoid I have practically not one follower of my country, everyone here is filipino, and I like that! Despite the fact that the name of the blog is dangerously obvious (my name), nobody has guessed it yet! This my friends is what you call hiding in plain sight!

Regarding this award, here’s a small example of how I behaved the last week or so.

With Mom.

“Wipe that grin off your face, what in the world are you thinking to be smiling the whole day with such stupidity.”

“I didn’t have a day as good as this in months mom!”, I thought.

“Remembered a damn funny joke.”, I said.

The look on her face made it clear she did not, in fact believe me. Can’t say I blame her. Who laughs on a joke all day? Retards.

Apparently, my unnaturally good mood did not go unnoticed by others either. A friend of mine goes like this.

“Mate, you heard? That new movie just came out. of Brad Pitt.”


“It was out of this world. It was so EPIC!”


“Are you gonna watch it.”


“WTH! maybe? Are you kiddin’ me? O wait you thinkin’ about somethin’ else ain’t ya?!”


“Dude!! don’t tell me you are thinking about that girl. She is ugly man. Ugly!”


He continued. I kept my replies coming, not more than one word at a time though.

So this is how seriously happy I was when I got this award.

A beauty isn’t it? And it comes in one of my favorite colors too. Green. I could go on about how pretty a sight it is but enough said.

So on to the serious stuff, first of all my absolutely Huge thanks to Addie and Laura (hope I got the name right!). Addie is a special person for me in the blogosphere (I hate this word). She is my favorite blogger after Belle. Because I get a homely feeling every time I visit her site.

I have to share 7 facts about myself. If I wanted to, I could say,

1.I am male 2.I am not female 3.I am proud 4.I am not ashamed 5.I am tall 6.I am not short 7.My name is Hamza.

These are facts. Are they not? Nobody could say I broke the rules.

But where’s the fun in these? So here are the more “random” ones.

1. I dance when alone, all kinds of dances, from break dance to moon walk, and after every two minutes or so I roll on the floor, laughing, imagining how damn stupid I must have looked while dancing.

2. I have exactly one pant and exactly one shirt to wear to any formal function. Rest of the clothes are not pants or shirts (actually there are two more shirts but they are only wearable whilst asleep), they are local exclusives. Shalwar Kameez.

3. I have always been a runner up (academics), never the first, No matter how small the gap is I will always be second…maybe even third, but first? Not a chance. Its like a witch’s spell.

4. I am a PC gamer, not exactly hardcore but obsessed with my PC nevertheless.

5. My palm size is absolutely Huge.

6. I have never shaved.

7. I think that in 10-15 years, if the hair color is ignored, nobody will be able to tell the difference between me and my father. We will look exactly the same. Twins even, except one would be wrinkled and bent.

Coming up is a supposed award ceremony I have to host. But, I am new, I hardly know any one in the blogosphere (again, I hate this word), and the ones I do know have already been awarded. So this list that had to be 15 will be just of a few right now, maybe I’ll add more names someday. But that someday is definitely not today.

1. thehilariousgirlthatisme Definitely my first pick! This girl, I enjoy reading, truly, I do! She should seriously consider writing more!

2. BUFFET OF WHAT-HAVE-YOUs This one makes a nice read, more on the relaxing side to be fair. One of the very first blogs I visit everyday. Alas! she doesn’t write everyday.

3-15 have yet to come.

Not that there aren’t any other blogs I like its just that I would feel like a fool awarding people I know have already won.