Diary Without Pages

Trivia I find Ignored


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Survived

Trifecta challenge.

Survived

You had me then
You have me now
The last embrace
Your solemn vow

You move away
Into the fray
Let go, you say
I have a choice?

We meet again
I am alive
I tell my life
I have survived

____

As it happens, the word “poem” has been ringing in my head for the last 12 hours. After having watched this, you’ll know what I’m talking about.


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Not Worried

I have a habit of not worrying when I should be worrying. I worry about that sometimes. Change my worrisome ways – that doesn’t make sense, does it?

Anyway, my exams are coming up, and all I am doing is reading fiction. Watching TV series. And devouring through sandwiches all day long – a surprising habit I’ve grown into.

I watched four seasons of House in the last 20 days. Along with about 10 other movies. This, I gather is not the way to be preparing for exams. So, I’m worried, that I’m not worried about anything anymore.

In the last month, I have promised myself, at least three times; that from tomorrow (Its always tomorrow, never today), I will study if its the last thing I do.

The next day, I would read a chapter halfheartedly, flipping through pages …

This is fifth grade stuff … Easy … Easy … Why am I here? ….

Where did I put Hunger Games again? …

Maybe I’ll arrive at the examination hall, book in hand.

Wait up, just one more page left. I promise I’ll get in in a minute … Just, just shh!!

Then there’s the more probable outcome. I’ll just take my time to sleep off the lost hours. I do that … a lot.

… I feel like drifting off right now.

– alright, that made me yawn.

… I’m sleepy …


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The Two Evils

Persuasion works, has been proved to work, when it is endearing and flattering. Appealing to the better nature of man. When it becomes forceful, it has the opposite effect. So, had they been nice and sweet and buttered me up a bit, I just might have considered being a doctor, if only to find more flaws in that plan. But they weren’t, so I became more and more relentless. Which they should have seen coming. After months and months of badgering they finally gave up trying to get me to be a doctor. Brains wasted, in their own words.

It was only after they gave up on me, that I actually gave it a serious thought. It turns out, decision making is much more objective without undue pressure – obviously.

But no, in the end, the result was the same. There were too much down points to being a doctor. Chief among them being the odor and working hours. Interestingly enough, the life and death choices didn’t bother me all that much. More proof that I’m heartless.

The biggest perk to being a doctor is of course monetary; but I don’t care much for that, not right now at least. What was really desirable though, was the ability to relate to House. Not that it would serve any purpose beside entertainment, but that’s a plus in itself.

On top of everything else, I hate hospitals. The idea of being in a hospital sends shudders down my spine. Its not so much the dying peoples’ company as the ghastly odor that emanates from the place that renders a dung heap redundant. And just the notion of spending the better part of the day in a place like that is nauseating at the very least. And being forced into that is not the most pleasant of experiences.

Out of sheer rebellion, I chose engineering. The exact opposite. It is not the most ideal choice either. As yet, I haven’t decided if I want to build weapons or build targets. But in effect, it’s the lesser of two evils.


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Of a Kind

Every time I see kids, a danger alarm in the back of mind sets off. One wrong word, one act of carelessness and they’ll twist it into something degrading and shower me with swear words. It hasn’t happened to me, but I know enough about it to be wary. Kids always seem to have a bigger mouth than they should, when it comes right down to it. Tread softly, I say to myself, Self esteem is at stake.

The problem with kids is that no matter what the do. You cannot reply in kind. Not unless you wanna receive a good solid beating from an angry -unjust, yes- but very  very angry crowd.

I was a wedding of a friend of a friend’s brother. For no other reason besides that I wasn’t kicked out. I sat in a corner, observant and watchful. Right in front of me sat a kid. I just observed.

He cried a respectable number of times, gulped down two platefuls and farted without restraint. I had to scoot over to avoid the impact. But it was worth it, seeing the old guy cringe his nose in disgust.

And then it hit me. This is me. This kid is my miniature doppelganger. He was fatter and a lot shorter than me. But in effect, he was as clinically retarded as I was his age. It was like a breath of fresh air.

As I observed more closely, he was more like me than I would’ve ever though possible. He unknowingly taught me a few new tricks to avoid unwanted company. Apparently, keeping your head down and making unseemly noises works too. For some reason though, I don’t think that was on purpose.

He even managed to catch the groom off guard. Something about a waiter wearing a better suit. I hear the groom made a few last minute clothing changes. Can’t say I blame him.

It was curiously satisfying, seeing him. I felt like Scrooge, only, it wasn’t christmas. Watching the little bugger wreck havoc without meaning to. Made me proud, he did.